I really liked this video. Watching it brought back some memories. Although I was never mad at God for my circumstances I cried out many times. To this day He is my rock and only through Him am I able to make it through each day. I remembered right after we got Ella's diagnosis, Drew and I were alone in the elevator, a rare occasion, and we both agreed that that moment would be a good time for Jesus' return. We both knew in our hearts though that she would be coming home with us to our home, her home, where she could finally experience all the love and life that she was created to take part of.
This story is similar to ours. I am grateful to live in a day where we can talk about the loss of a child and not feel pressured to brush it under the rug. Instead we have the technology to be able to reach out and find others who have shared our experiences. I don't think I would have ever, nor will ever, be able to keep my girls from talking about baby Ella. Ivy learned E is for Ella before I is for Ivy. Every tear shed in our home is accompanied by "Are you crying because you miss baby Ella?"and "When our new baby comes you won't have to cry cause you won't miss baby Ella anymore." Every small thing, whether it be a small rock, spoon, balloon, berry that Ivy sees is "little like baby Ella."
Before we knew Ella was a girl people assumed we were trying for a boy. This was not the case, but someday we would love to have another boy in our home. After having her and unusual circumstances people don't say that anymore but I am sure they still assume we are. Thanks to some friends we have enough boy stuff for at least a year, and the girls refer to my belly as the boy name we have picked out. The other day I said to Nadia "our baby may be a girl you know" and she said "No mom it's a boy, I never had a baby brother before." Our desire to have more children is most definitely amplified, in fact that is an understatement. After being a mommy of three little girls I am aware of how wonderful a baby girl fits into our family and I would love to hold three of my own girls again. And a boy would be just as wonderful, a new experience. So no, we are not trying for a boy, and we are not trying for a girl. We are certainly not done having children either.