Friday, February 10, 2012


The day that the NICU Dr's came to us with Ella's diagnosis they wanted us to end her life and schedule "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" photographers to come and take pictures after she had taken her last breath. Must be they thought that after telling us to end Ella's life, that scheduling a photo session would make their words less evil and less hurt full.  This was something they would try to push us to do for the remaining days that we were stuck there. Every time we refused, of course. For the first couple of weeks after Ella was born, every time I heard of the "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" foundation it would stir up feelings of anger inside of me. Before then I had heard of them, but never put more than 2 seconds of thought into it. I can honestly say before Ella had passed, I thought that those kind of pictures, pictures of dead babies were somewhat disturbing to me. Since Ella, I view this resource as a huge blessing! What a beautiful way to remember your child. My heart breaks for a mother who loses a child in the womb and never gets to see what they looked like. All they have are images of what they could have looked like. Or a mom who's child passes shortly before, during, or shortly after birth. What if all you had were memories? My memories of Ella are of a perfect baby girl who was the best gift of all and who was able to grace us with her presence for 23 full days! If someone else looked through the many pictures we have of her they may see something different, a child who spent way too much time in the hospital, lots of tubes and wires, facial deformities, low set ears, clenched hands, the list goes on. But the reality was she was perfect.  And although the pictures we have of her don't always display just how perfect she was, I am forever grateful for them. Amanda Coombs took some very beautiful pictures of Ella for us, thanks to some wonderful friends of mine who arranged for the session! There is a special place in my heart for those pictures, those friends, and those hours spent in our back room with the sun shining on my little Ella while she was decorated and fastened so perfectly. Those moments are captured in time forever. And after holding my little baby long after she had taken her last breath I can honestly say she was still peaceful, still beautiful and still perfect. Still worthy of pictures.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Maggie,
    Your deep faith and strength in God is awesome!
    God is so good, and I am so blessed to be your friend!