Tuesday, December 13, 2011

On Dec 1 this article was posted on the MOPS International website. http://www.mom-ology.org/page.php?pageid=3081 I read it that day and could relate to what the writer was saying.  Just because a family doesn't fit the mold of how your traditional family should look, it is still someones family. And just like every mom  loves to talk about their children, so do I, all three of them.  I wonder sometimes if people feel weird when I talk about Ella, sometimes I think I can sense it, but it doesn't stop me. Like the writer, I don't think that Ella's diagnosis defines who she was, nor is it relevant. Ella was an amazing baby girl. Talking about her brings me much joy, and like every mom has their list of "firsts" for their child, so do I. Mine may not look like any other moms, but I am very grateful that I was able to capture many of her firsts on camera. We have pictures of the first time I held her, along with many other family members, we caught on video the first time her sisters got to meet her, the first time she was able to wear real clothes in the hospital, and not be under a heat lamp, the first time she tried a pacifier, her first bottle, the first feeding tube, the first time her sisters seen her at Crouse, the first time she rode in a car seat, and her first, and only, bath. Even though many of these were shortly followed by her last, they were still very memorable and precious to me, her mommy. And the details of her life are imprinted on my heart forever. Although I am overjoyed  when I speak of Ella in the past tense, I find more joy when I think about how I will see her again in my future. In 2 Samuel 12:23 David says this about his son "But now he is dead, why should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me." By this we know that our children are in heaven, and even though we can not bring them back, we can go to them, if we choose. Just like we can choose to show grace to a mom whose story may not be similar to our own, we can also choose to accept Christ into our lives and see our loved ones again. Some people ask if I am mad that she is gone, or mad God took her away from me, but I know that that is not the case. However, I do thank God  for giving Ella to me and for taking my precious baby to that glorious place He has created for us called Heaven, and making her perfect so that when I do see her again I will once again be overjoyed by her beautiful presence!

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