Last Wednesday I woke up, looked outside and saw snow and everything inside of me said "go back to bed." It was my group's turn to bring food for MOPS and the sewing machine repair man was meeting me there with my serger. I decided I better suck it up and go. My dear friend Cheryl Ann was the guest speaker that day, I was very curious what she was going to speak on. I met her at my very first MOPS, it amazed me that her shoes matched her shirt and they were red and black animal print, I remember asking her if she bought them together, she said she had not. She was always dressed so fancy while I may or may not have even brushed my hair, let alone found matching accessories. Her "talk" was about how God's plan for our lives is often very different from our plans, but He has a way of drawing us closer to Him through it all. She started by telling how she and her husband had two children and they were at a rough point in their marriage. She found herself unexpectedly pregnant and unsure of her future. Upon meeting with a new Dr, she was asked when she would want to schedule the termination as her baby would be born with several medical issues. Upset about what she heard and wondering how she could care for a baby around the clock, she left the office and shared with her husband what the Dr said. They united in prayer and decided God was in control and the birth of their perfectly normal and healthy baby girl five years has completed their family and revived their marriage, Glory to God! Cheryl Ann was sure someone in the audience needed to hear that message. Afterwards she came up to me and apologized, saying she knew God wanted her to speak on that topic and knowing I would be in the audience she was torn. She knew not all stories ended the way hers did, I assured her I was not upset at all. As I drove home I realized I was the one who needed to hear that message. It has been a rough week for me, a combination of hormones and the CPC dinner coming up, being pro life is something I am VERY passionate about.
Three years ago at the first dinner, a group of ladies were working in the kitchen, most of us were pregnant, very pregnant. I was 39 weeks pregnant with Ella actually and I was unaware of what I was about to experience. All of those ladies are still able to hold and kiss their children, I see most of them on a weekly basis. At this dinner every year I find comfort in knowing that it is one time a year that I will be surrounded by people who are as passionate about all life having purpose as I am. This is a comfort that most people will never and could never understand. I can't express enough how beautiful to me Ella's purpose is. I believe I will forever be contacted by people who ask me if they can refer a friend to me who is a perfect stranger, but who is face to face with loss and they don't know what else they can do besides unite them with someone who has been there. It's a lonely road. A short life here can still have a BIG purpose. I think about how the idea of having a child with special needs is scary and how abortion seems like an easy way out. I also see how Drs are wrong and God is BIG and many stories have a happy ending. I also see women live with regrets of abortion, that moment of weakness brought them to a decision that they forever have to live with. I also know that I could have justified an abortion in every one if my pregnancies and the world would have encouraged me it was the right choice. My first pregnancy was just one month into sobriety and Drew relapsed several times during my pregnancy. Driving around in the late hours of life night, alone, scared, pregnant, looking for your child's father who could be anywhere is no place anyone should be. An abortion would have been an easy way out. My second pregnancy was a surprise and Drew had recently quit his job to start his own business and had no work in the near future. Two babies and no income is not the ideal for any situation, most people wait for that perfect job or the perfect set of circumstances to bring children into this world. This was opposite of that. My third pregnancy was Ella. If I had listened to the Dr I would have had genetic testing done and I would have had an abortion, per their suggestion. Because I refused testing, a choice I have never regretted, I went on with pregnancy excited about where we were in our lives as God was in the forefront, and about bringing one last child into our family. Forty weeks came and went and the Dr scheduled an induction, which I was hoping to miss as I assumed I would go into labor before the date. The date came and I asked Drew to call and say we were not showing up, my Dr was not pleased as she was unaware I was opposed to it to begin with. This is where my lack of communication is a really bad thing. She demanded to speak with me on the phone as she assumed it was something Drew decided against my will. I went into labor the following day and Ella was born after a very short, easy, natural labor and delivery. An induction would have killed her internally as her heart was weak, a mistake I would have a hard time living with. And my last pregnancy began a month after Ella's death. A dear friend just told me her friend had a hard time loving a child born so close after a loss, an abortion could have easily been a justifiable option. Our God is mighty to save and His strength can create so much beauty out of our ugly weaknesses. I may have never voiced this before, but Pregnancy Centers and the free services and counseling they offer is something I am very passionate about. I appreciate all of my friends and family who have stood by my side during my moments of weakness and support me as I support a cause so dear to my heart. Thank you all!
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