Lately Ivy has been having a rough time with life in general. I attributed it to being a normal, emotional four year old. The other night I found her standing in front of Ella's collage with our Ella book that my sister Ana made and gave me on Mother's Day after she passed. It is full of pictures and scriptures, we look at it often. I watched Ivy quietly, from around the corner, and saw she was finding the pictures from the book on the collage. It was sweet. I asked Nadia to give her some space while she was working through her grieving. She then moved to the hallway where she set up pillows along the wall and laid on them while singing "we miss you baby Ella, please come back, you are my baby sister, I love you."
This morning I was reading from I Will Carry You, written by a woman who experiences loss, and as I read the following paragraph I thought about this experience with Ivy;
"We all grieve differently, and we all hide portions of it in places we wouldn't dare let others see. I have been reminded that I am daily battling an enemy who would love nothing more than for me to shove all my baggage into the crevices of darkness, slam the doors, and pretend I have it all together while I secretly fall apart."
Oh to have faith like a child, one who holds nothing back and walks their walk without the cares of this world.
Angie Smith, the author, goes on to say that we daily have to choose to focus on what we have gained rather than what we have lost.
"And herein lies the dance we will do for the rest of our lives. It is a dance that was begun before we were born, long before the music even began to play. What the Lord has given us can either be taken into ourselves as pain or given back to Him as a holy offering, one that glorifies His name and gives meaning to our loss." She goes on to quote from a book she read "If mourning and dancing are part of the same movement of grace, we can be grateful for every moment we have lived. We can claim our unique journey as God's way to mold our hearts to greater conformity to Christ. The cross, the primary symbol of our faith, invites us to see grace where there is pain; to see resurrection where there is death. The call to be grateful is a call to trust that every moment can be claimed as the way of the cross that leads to new life. "