As I sit for hours holding and feeding and kissing and squeezing my new baby girl, I often find myself wiping away tears. Alida Pearl was born into her father's hands in our bed Friday Oct 12 at 12:13 a.m. After her delivery I looked at my husband and saw tears streaming down his cheeks. The moment this 10lb 2oz baby girl graced us with her presence our family has experienced a whirlwind of emotions. My healing is more than physical, it is as much emotional and we have finally learned to laugh when we call her Ella on accident. The healing journey has opened a new chapter and we are on this path together as a family. Each one of us has responded in different ways. Nadia has finally come out of her shell and talks about Ella now more than ever. She asks about her life and death and amazes me as she brings up specific details of her life. Nadia has also said several times how she can't believe she has three little sisters to take care of. Ivy says things like "we have a lot of twins! Mommy and daddy are twins, me and Nady are twins and Baby Ella and Alida are twins right mom?" Drew and I are finding a balance of excitement and relief to be where we are at today. I find myself struggling with overcoming the mental hurdles daily and believe it will take some time, lots of time.