Saturday, December 3, 2011

One week and one day

It was a week ago last night that Miss Ella sprouted wings and flew to heaven. Along with the obvious challenges this week has brought, I can say that strangely enough the biggest has been learning to be a family of 4 again. Although Ella was only able to be held and kissed for 23 days, she was with us much longer as I carried her in the womb. Anticipation of her arrival was something that brought our family tons of joy, especially her big sisters. Nadia chose her name, a special story. At the age of 2 Nadia had an imaginary friend named Ella. She never knew anyone named Ella, so it was always a mystery to us how she came up with it. When Drew and I were thinking about names for our third girl, we were by no means in agreement.  His were what I would consider 80's style goofy names, mine were cool, of course. During one of our name discussion conversations Nadia blurted out "we can name her Ella." Drew and I looked at each other and thought it was perfect! The decision had been made. Shortly after we heard many little girls being called Ella, but it was ok. For months before her birth the girls saved many sticks, rocks, pictures, toys and other random items that they couldn't wait to give their baby sister. Most of them made their way to the trash can, especially the piles of pine cones that made messes all over my house! Today we are no longer saving items for Ella, instead we are thinking of her in other ways. When Ivy sees the senior citizen tower in Cortland she says "that's where Ella is." Cute and innocent, yet sad. She is remembering Crouse, where Ella was for her first 6 days of life, an awful experience I will share more about later. Ella will always be a part of our family, although for the time being we are learning to be a family of 4 again. As the mother of a newborn and two toddlers, I was used to cramming everything I had to do in a day into an hour. This included dishes, laundry, a meal, 3 heads of hair brushed, 3 sets of teeth brushed, and 3 outfits changed for the day. Usually some mail and vacuuming or sweeping were thrown in there too, and the cat pan.  Now finding my groove again has been a challenge. I am either racing to complete the days tasks, or I am putting every thing off for later, only to find out later has come and gone and nothing got done! I'm not sure I like either of those better, a routine will come in time.

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